Our Town

What a nice Thanksgiving. I relaxed at my parents' for almost a week and it was so nice and slow. To illustrate: On Saturday night, I called my friends Anne and Alex to see when they wanted me to come over. Turns out, as Alex explained to me, Anne was tired and they were heading to bed. It was 6:00 pm, Eastern Standard Time. I had already eaten dinner and my friends were in bed.

I took out the car and drove around in the utter dark. Not having spent a night out of the city since August made me appreciate how bucolic my hometown is. It never really gets dark in NY, which highlighted how dark it really got out there. No streetlights, and the headlights on my Dad's car hardly put a dent in the dense dark. While driving I heard a set of Iris Dement on a radio station from Rhode Island, and it was beautiful. Had heard her name a bunch but never heard her warble before. And what a pretty warble it is.



She also has a nice version of "Let the Mystery Be"

Credit where it's due...

Just wanted to give everyone a look at my lovely friend Kate Sears's beautiful pictures of mashed potatoes in today's Dining In section of the NYTimes. We've been friends for over 10 years and, in addition to being a riot, she's a talented photographer with a great eye. If you've never been on a photo shoot, please know that those wine glasses probably took about 45 minutes to get in exactly the right spot. Those mashed potatoes were probably really good, but I'm certain no one on the shoot ate them. I sure would have tried them had I been there. Once I got to go on a shoot with Kate for a company that makes these amazing stuffed cookies, where I singlehandedly invented the quadruple stuffed Oreo. That shit was goooooooood. Enjoy the preview of good things to come... and some tools to get you there. Or your Mom.

Well what had happened was....

Hey y'all, here at the farm, busting ass in the fields, and wanted to leave you something from Chicago. I've only ever heard this song in Chicago, as it's constantly on the radio, and it was a crowd-pleaser at my last job (not far from the Church where this video was recorded). In the summer it is not uncommon to see grown women jam out to this song in their cars, singing and clapping. Work it out!

Jesus Can Work It Out- Cosmopolitan Church of Prayer, Chicago, IL.

Rinse and Repeat

Hi everyone! Thanks for coming back even though I haven't posted in a while... sometimes things get out of hand for a minute, but here I am! Thanks to all who yelled/commented/glared at me to remind me that I didn't post. Really motivating.

So, last weekend I hosted my friend Kael and his "ex" Natasha at the Petit Palais in Bed-Stuy. It was awesome to see him, and we did the math and figured out that we've been friends for over 20 years (check out his blog for proof and pictures.) The happy non-couple came into town because the lovely Natasha was performing in "LARD: like grease, but thicker" with Big Moves, an amazing group of plus-sized dancers, singers and actresses. I had a great time at the show, which told the story of a medium-sized girl who moves to a new school and just isn't skinny enough to hang with the skinny Dietrons, but isn't meaty enough to fit in with the Fatties. It was really cool to see these girls do their thing, as they moved really well and there were some excellent voices amongst them. Also, they eat burgers, fries, and mac n cheese on stage, which is some great direction if I've ever seen it. Natasha is a blond beauty with lots of sass and a great sense of style, and she brought me some delicious cookies. I appreciated the inclusive attitude of these girls, and many were queer. In fact, there was a marriage proposal at curtain call, and nary a dry eye in the crowd. Let's just say I'm a BIG fan, and yep, that's a fat joke.


So Kael is super popular and kept on running into people he knew here, and judiciously only speaking to some of them, as we were on a mission to buy me some shoes. Omg, shoes! Let's get 'em! As a result, the three of us were channeling Kelly all day long on my search, which is always fun, betch. So at some point during the show Kael asked me if I wanted to see Margaret Cho's show later on that night, because he and another friend who was in town are friends with one of the guys in her Sensuous Woman revue, comedian Ian Harvie. Kael knew Ian from Portland, Maine, where he lives, and he invited us to come to the late show that night. At this point I was jazzed because Margaret Cho is fucking Mario Hilario.

The Sensuous Woman was amazing, practically flawless. It was super queer-oriented and in true burlesque style, the performers seemed to love the hooting and hollering coming from our section. I mean, that show had everything: gay rappers, lots of stripping, the indescribable and incomparable burlesque of the littlest stripper I've ever seen, Selene Luna, a transcomedian, and omg, Kelly! Kelly really broke it down for us, performing "Shoes" and "Let me borrow that top." Actually, Diana Yanez (who's my new favorite) joined her for a Spanish version of Shoes which brought the house down. But really, "MY PUSS" is something you all have to watch right now, you'll die. Just remember: "my puss won the fifa world cup; your puss makes me sneeze and throw up."


It was great to meet Kelly and compliment her on her rack, especially because I had been saying "Let's get 'em!" all fucking day. Thanks to Kael and Naughty Natasha for coming through town, and to Ian Harvie and Margaret Cho for the tickets. If you get a chance, definitely check out the show, betch.

Slippery People

Over the weekend I watched "Stop Making Sense" again. I love this movie, how it starts with David Byrne and a boombox, and the band makes their way onstage one at a time. I was reminded how much I love the lineup here, with the mighty Bernie Worrell (co-founder of P-Funk), and especially the backup singers, Lynn Mabry and Ednah Holt. For me, these ladies really make the song, and its not just because we have very similar dance styles. It's also the high ponytails. I like the dancing at 2:00, and they really break it down with the David at around 2:50.

Good for a laugh

Those of you who know my friend Lulu know she's a veritable laugh riot. She's just so creative, and like your hero, she likes to mix the high and the low to great effect. More of the low, though. Here is a stooopid survey that showed up to (another) social networking site I belong to, but her responses made this rainy morning shine with a little sumpthin sumpthin. I still owe you Beth, totally my fault. Ruv roo!

1) how well are you aquainted with your own colan? ever stick shit up there?
Well, I have always loved pee and poo, but i have intimacy issues, so me and my colon are in counseling.

2) if you were having a masterbatory phone booth fantasy; would it be a glass encased american style phone booth or one of those classy brittish ones?

I think British people have funked up teeth. So obviously, American.

3 )when having relations with persons of the same species do you prefer a. cumming first b.cumming at the same time or c. cumming after your partner?

All of the above
4) when wiping your own ass have you ever got a glob of poo on your hand?

Obviously!

5) earnest or pee wee?

Pee Wee!! HE does creepy things in movie theaters!

6) who do you think would win in a fight malcome x or martin luther king jr?

Well, since I look like Halley Barry and I have a cousin named LArry, I would say X dugh!
7) do you pop baloons primarily on purpose or by axident?

I gotta Axe my moms. But usually by axident

8) have you ever smoked crack? be honest.
yes, I don't trust anyone who hasn't.

9) if you had to listen to one song 24-7 for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
Burn One Down by Ben Harper, also known as Let's get Physical by Olivia Newton john.

10) do you like your nipples to be pinched during coitus?
YEs, of course, what teh hell is coitus?

11) have you ever watched a pro wrestling event on pay per view? (answereing yes does not nescecerily make you white trash)

King of the Ring, Summer SLam and various other events, back when it was WWF.

12) have you ever had sex with me before( me in this case. not the person who originally compose the survey) and if so please describe in vivid detail how it was, if you came, would you do it again, would you recomend me to others, have you since kept me in your thoughts whilst masterbating, if i have a big dick{tight vagina if the person that sent this to you is female} etc.

YEs on all counts... IF I had, otherwise I just have disturbing thoughts.....

13) what is your favorite anything?


14) do you have aids?

Nope, just bandaides. I am stuck on them, cause they are stuck on me.

15) have you ever killed a living creature?

Bugs.... Lots of them... Ok fine.... Crabs....

16) have you ever killed a human being?
no

17) whats the differance?

the skeletal system. Insects, have a hard shell on the outside, there are other various biological differences that I feel are innappropriate to discuss in this forum.

18) have you ever written for a good time call so and so on a public wall?
Yes, sorry to all the little sluts i set up in the Captain Kidd Bathroom.

19) nuber 19 is a statement!
Yes it is! Go Luke!

20) what do you see when you look in the miror?
My body is a Temple.. Well that's what I wish I saw, I usually see Bloody mary.

I'm learning this dance

First of all, the Beth interview is coming, people, she's coming! Its all my fault, so don't even try to blame her, but its going to be so good. What's your spirit animal?

Anyhow, in order to placate my fellow Beth-lovers, I'm giving you two awesome videos. The first one is a song I heard on the radio and was convinced it was Leslie Feist, so I listened to all the potential suspects on amazon yet was unable to find out what song it was. That's because Feist released this song under her alter-ego Regina Spektor! Wait, that's not fair, Regina Spektor is her own person, as you can see from this video. Her vocal control is really remarkable, and I like the sound. She got her start on the LES as part of the "anti-folk" scene. Whatever the fuck that means! Sounds pretentious...

Second matter of business: I'm learning this dance and I'm looking for about 48 other nubile danseurs and danseuses to join me in recreating this ipod Nano commercial/music video. Its so awesome; I love group dances like this. My favorite part are the clap-turns. Don't be surprised if you see me practicing that move. So obviously I'm going to be the guy in the yellow that picks her up, so who's going to be Feist? Tracy? What's that I heard you say?

By the way, I am completely of the opinion that letting your song be on an ipod commercial is not selling out. Anymore. As came up in conversation with my (awesome) roommate, judging musicians to have 'sold out' is an argument that has been over for at least seven years. Its very last century, guys. Of course they just want their money while they can still get it, and c'mon, who wants a day job?