Good for a laugh

Those of you who know my friend Lulu know she's a veritable laugh riot. She's just so creative, and like your hero, she likes to mix the high and the low to great effect. More of the low, though. Here is a stooopid survey that showed up to (another) social networking site I belong to, but her responses made this rainy morning shine with a little sumpthin sumpthin. I still owe you Beth, totally my fault. Ruv roo!

1) how well are you aquainted with your own colan? ever stick shit up there?
Well, I have always loved pee and poo, but i have intimacy issues, so me and my colon are in counseling.

2) if you were having a masterbatory phone booth fantasy; would it be a glass encased american style phone booth or one of those classy brittish ones?

I think British people have funked up teeth. So obviously, American.

3 )when having relations with persons of the same species do you prefer a. cumming first b.cumming at the same time or c. cumming after your partner?

All of the above
4) when wiping your own ass have you ever got a glob of poo on your hand?

Obviously!

5) earnest or pee wee?

Pee Wee!! HE does creepy things in movie theaters!

6) who do you think would win in a fight malcome x or martin luther king jr?

Well, since I look like Halley Barry and I have a cousin named LArry, I would say X dugh!
7) do you pop baloons primarily on purpose or by axident?

I gotta Axe my moms. But usually by axident

8) have you ever smoked crack? be honest.
yes, I don't trust anyone who hasn't.

9) if you had to listen to one song 24-7 for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
Burn One Down by Ben Harper, also known as Let's get Physical by Olivia Newton john.

10) do you like your nipples to be pinched during coitus?
YEs, of course, what teh hell is coitus?

11) have you ever watched a pro wrestling event on pay per view? (answereing yes does not nescecerily make you white trash)

King of the Ring, Summer SLam and various other events, back when it was WWF.

12) have you ever had sex with me before( me in this case. not the person who originally compose the survey) and if so please describe in vivid detail how it was, if you came, would you do it again, would you recomend me to others, have you since kept me in your thoughts whilst masterbating, if i have a big dick{tight vagina if the person that sent this to you is female} etc.

YEs on all counts... IF I had, otherwise I just have disturbing thoughts.....

13) what is your favorite anything?


14) do you have aids?

Nope, just bandaides. I am stuck on them, cause they are stuck on me.

15) have you ever killed a living creature?

Bugs.... Lots of them... Ok fine.... Crabs....

16) have you ever killed a human being?
no

17) whats the differance?

the skeletal system. Insects, have a hard shell on the outside, there are other various biological differences that I feel are innappropriate to discuss in this forum.

18) have you ever written for a good time call so and so on a public wall?
Yes, sorry to all the little sluts i set up in the Captain Kidd Bathroom.

19) nuber 19 is a statement!
Yes it is! Go Luke!

20) what do you see when you look in the miror?
My body is a Temple.. Well that's what I wish I saw, I usually see Bloody mary.