hey girl i'm in houston

Sometimes this blog is just one more thing that I don't get around to doing- like paying my phone bill and going for a run. But I'm ditching that attitude and I'm just going to let it come when it comes and stop being so...judgmental of myself?

This blog originally started out about condiments- I had started it in a fit of silly ecstasy and glee in the summer, went to Canadia, and wasn't to post again for a few months or so... I then found the condiment theme to be restricting, so I changed it up. This has always been a problem of mine in some way, like my eternal struggle that I should have one journal for writing about my thoughts and feelings, and anything else-- to-do-lists, writings about other stuff-- would have its own space. I posted on and off, and enjoy it. But it can't be one more thing that hangs over my head. C'est pas grave, right?

In any case, I began this blog partly because I became fascinated with the blogs I was reading at the time, and an interest in the medium. As I clicked on links through many people's lives and musings, I started to think about the ways that I was witnessing communities of people communicating and forming. A lot of the guys I read were like no one else I knew; a look into a world hidden to me, but right there for everyone to read on the internet.

Blogs had been on my radar since I had first seen my long-time friend KP's, who started his in 2000 (that's right, betches) and documented his transition. During the 2004 presidential race I remember hearing from K8's mom about the influence blogs were having. There's a guy who studies blogging where I work. He says that there is usually a time when people get their bearings and observe, and then a period when they get into a stride, post a lot, comment, and communities form. In our one conversation about this topic he told me this and showed me some interesting articles.

I like that I can put videos and songs on here, so that's what I do. I usually post the songs I listen to fifteen times in a row at my job. The internet is fun. There's all sorts of people doing all sorts of things for different reasons on this piece, and it's good to be one of them. I post so infrequently and I would have to assume that it's my friends and my friends alone who [would ever think this was interesting enough to] read this, and that's fine with me.

Here's this one girl who loves the internets too, with some holiday cheer for ya.

Our Town

What a nice Thanksgiving. I relaxed at my parents' for almost a week and it was so nice and slow. To illustrate: On Saturday night, I called my friends Anne and Alex to see when they wanted me to come over. Turns out, as Alex explained to me, Anne was tired and they were heading to bed. It was 6:00 pm, Eastern Standard Time. I had already eaten dinner and my friends were in bed.

I took out the car and drove around in the utter dark. Not having spent a night out of the city since August made me appreciate how bucolic my hometown is. It never really gets dark in NY, which highlighted how dark it really got out there. No streetlights, and the headlights on my Dad's car hardly put a dent in the dense dark. While driving I heard a set of Iris Dement on a radio station from Rhode Island, and it was beautiful. Had heard her name a bunch but never heard her warble before. And what a pretty warble it is.



She also has a nice version of "Let the Mystery Be"

Credit where it's due...

Just wanted to give everyone a look at my lovely friend Kate Sears's beautiful pictures of mashed potatoes in today's Dining In section of the NYTimes. We've been friends for over 10 years and, in addition to being a riot, she's a talented photographer with a great eye. If you've never been on a photo shoot, please know that those wine glasses probably took about 45 minutes to get in exactly the right spot. Those mashed potatoes were probably really good, but I'm certain no one on the shoot ate them. I sure would have tried them had I been there. Once I got to go on a shoot with Kate for a company that makes these amazing stuffed cookies, where I singlehandedly invented the quadruple stuffed Oreo. That shit was goooooooood. Enjoy the preview of good things to come... and some tools to get you there. Or your Mom.

Well what had happened was....

Hey y'all, here at the farm, busting ass in the fields, and wanted to leave you something from Chicago. I've only ever heard this song in Chicago, as it's constantly on the radio, and it was a crowd-pleaser at my last job (not far from the Church where this video was recorded). In the summer it is not uncommon to see grown women jam out to this song in their cars, singing and clapping. Work it out!

Jesus Can Work It Out- Cosmopolitan Church of Prayer, Chicago, IL.

Rinse and Repeat

Hi everyone! Thanks for coming back even though I haven't posted in a while... sometimes things get out of hand for a minute, but here I am! Thanks to all who yelled/commented/glared at me to remind me that I didn't post. Really motivating.

So, last weekend I hosted my friend Kael and his "ex" Natasha at the Petit Palais in Bed-Stuy. It was awesome to see him, and we did the math and figured out that we've been friends for over 20 years (check out his blog for proof and pictures.) The happy non-couple came into town because the lovely Natasha was performing in "LARD: like grease, but thicker" with Big Moves, an amazing group of plus-sized dancers, singers and actresses. I had a great time at the show, which told the story of a medium-sized girl who moves to a new school and just isn't skinny enough to hang with the skinny Dietrons, but isn't meaty enough to fit in with the Fatties. It was really cool to see these girls do their thing, as they moved really well and there were some excellent voices amongst them. Also, they eat burgers, fries, and mac n cheese on stage, which is some great direction if I've ever seen it. Natasha is a blond beauty with lots of sass and a great sense of style, and she brought me some delicious cookies. I appreciated the inclusive attitude of these girls, and many were queer. In fact, there was a marriage proposal at curtain call, and nary a dry eye in the crowd. Let's just say I'm a BIG fan, and yep, that's a fat joke.


So Kael is super popular and kept on running into people he knew here, and judiciously only speaking to some of them, as we were on a mission to buy me some shoes. Omg, shoes! Let's get 'em! As a result, the three of us were channeling Kelly all day long on my search, which is always fun, betch. So at some point during the show Kael asked me if I wanted to see Margaret Cho's show later on that night, because he and another friend who was in town are friends with one of the guys in her Sensuous Woman revue, comedian Ian Harvie. Kael knew Ian from Portland, Maine, where he lives, and he invited us to come to the late show that night. At this point I was jazzed because Margaret Cho is fucking Mario Hilario.

The Sensuous Woman was amazing, practically flawless. It was super queer-oriented and in true burlesque style, the performers seemed to love the hooting and hollering coming from our section. I mean, that show had everything: gay rappers, lots of stripping, the indescribable and incomparable burlesque of the littlest stripper I've ever seen, Selene Luna, a transcomedian, and omg, Kelly! Kelly really broke it down for us, performing "Shoes" and "Let me borrow that top." Actually, Diana Yanez (who's my new favorite) joined her for a Spanish version of Shoes which brought the house down. But really, "MY PUSS" is something you all have to watch right now, you'll die. Just remember: "my puss won the fifa world cup; your puss makes me sneeze and throw up."


It was great to meet Kelly and compliment her on her rack, especially because I had been saying "Let's get 'em!" all fucking day. Thanks to Kael and Naughty Natasha for coming through town, and to Ian Harvie and Margaret Cho for the tickets. If you get a chance, definitely check out the show, betch.

Slippery People

Over the weekend I watched "Stop Making Sense" again. I love this movie, how it starts with David Byrne and a boombox, and the band makes their way onstage one at a time. I was reminded how much I love the lineup here, with the mighty Bernie Worrell (co-founder of P-Funk), and especially the backup singers, Lynn Mabry and Ednah Holt. For me, these ladies really make the song, and its not just because we have very similar dance styles. It's also the high ponytails. I like the dancing at 2:00, and they really break it down with the David at around 2:50.

Good for a laugh

Those of you who know my friend Lulu know she's a veritable laugh riot. She's just so creative, and like your hero, she likes to mix the high and the low to great effect. More of the low, though. Here is a stooopid survey that showed up to (another) social networking site I belong to, but her responses made this rainy morning shine with a little sumpthin sumpthin. I still owe you Beth, totally my fault. Ruv roo!

1) how well are you aquainted with your own colan? ever stick shit up there?
Well, I have always loved pee and poo, but i have intimacy issues, so me and my colon are in counseling.

2) if you were having a masterbatory phone booth fantasy; would it be a glass encased american style phone booth or one of those classy brittish ones?

I think British people have funked up teeth. So obviously, American.

3 )when having relations with persons of the same species do you prefer a. cumming first b.cumming at the same time or c. cumming after your partner?

All of the above
4) when wiping your own ass have you ever got a glob of poo on your hand?

Obviously!

5) earnest or pee wee?

Pee Wee!! HE does creepy things in movie theaters!

6) who do you think would win in a fight malcome x or martin luther king jr?

Well, since I look like Halley Barry and I have a cousin named LArry, I would say X dugh!
7) do you pop baloons primarily on purpose or by axident?

I gotta Axe my moms. But usually by axident

8) have you ever smoked crack? be honest.
yes, I don't trust anyone who hasn't.

9) if you had to listen to one song 24-7 for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
Burn One Down by Ben Harper, also known as Let's get Physical by Olivia Newton john.

10) do you like your nipples to be pinched during coitus?
YEs, of course, what teh hell is coitus?

11) have you ever watched a pro wrestling event on pay per view? (answereing yes does not nescecerily make you white trash)

King of the Ring, Summer SLam and various other events, back when it was WWF.

12) have you ever had sex with me before( me in this case. not the person who originally compose the survey) and if so please describe in vivid detail how it was, if you came, would you do it again, would you recomend me to others, have you since kept me in your thoughts whilst masterbating, if i have a big dick{tight vagina if the person that sent this to you is female} etc.

YEs on all counts... IF I had, otherwise I just have disturbing thoughts.....

13) what is your favorite anything?


14) do you have aids?

Nope, just bandaides. I am stuck on them, cause they are stuck on me.

15) have you ever killed a living creature?

Bugs.... Lots of them... Ok fine.... Crabs....

16) have you ever killed a human being?
no

17) whats the differance?

the skeletal system. Insects, have a hard shell on the outside, there are other various biological differences that I feel are innappropriate to discuss in this forum.

18) have you ever written for a good time call so and so on a public wall?
Yes, sorry to all the little sluts i set up in the Captain Kidd Bathroom.

19) nuber 19 is a statement!
Yes it is! Go Luke!

20) what do you see when you look in the miror?
My body is a Temple.. Well that's what I wish I saw, I usually see Bloody mary.

I'm learning this dance

First of all, the Beth interview is coming, people, she's coming! Its all my fault, so don't even try to blame her, but its going to be so good. What's your spirit animal?

Anyhow, in order to placate my fellow Beth-lovers, I'm giving you two awesome videos. The first one is a song I heard on the radio and was convinced it was Leslie Feist, so I listened to all the potential suspects on amazon yet was unable to find out what song it was. That's because Feist released this song under her alter-ego Regina Spektor! Wait, that's not fair, Regina Spektor is her own person, as you can see from this video. Her vocal control is really remarkable, and I like the sound. She got her start on the LES as part of the "anti-folk" scene. Whatever the fuck that means! Sounds pretentious...

Second matter of business: I'm learning this dance and I'm looking for about 48 other nubile danseurs and danseuses to join me in recreating this ipod Nano commercial/music video. Its so awesome; I love group dances like this. My favorite part are the clap-turns. Don't be surprised if you see me practicing that move. So obviously I'm going to be the guy in the yellow that picks her up, so who's going to be Feist? Tracy? What's that I heard you say?

By the way, I am completely of the opinion that letting your song be on an ipod commercial is not selling out. Anymore. As came up in conversation with my (awesome) roommate, judging musicians to have 'sold out' is an argument that has been over for at least seven years. Its very last century, guys. Of course they just want their money while they can still get it, and c'mon, who wants a day job?

Come on, come on

I've been signing The Locomotion for three days now. I have no idea how it got into my head, but it has formed a colony and is refusing to leave, bad weather and angry natives be damned. This song is wonderful, and this video of Kylie Minogue prancing about with her dancer friends is precious. I remember when this song first came into my purview as an eight year old, and I was instantly obsessed with it. I used to beg my babysitter to call the radio station (AGAIN) and request it (AGAIN). Did you even know that Carole King wrote this song? I left two singing voicemails yesterday to unsuspecting targets of this gem. Ask Caro: I have a lovely singing voice.

Tomorrow: an interview with my friend Beth!

Intensity

So the President of Iran is at Columbia giving a speech, so I sauntered over during lunch time to check it out, mostly to see the "free speech zones". Coming down Broadway, I could see a group of anti-Zionist Hasidim and a group of Zionist Jews engaging in a full-out shouting match. The Hasidim, holding signs declaiming the spread of "atheist" Zionism, were being taunted by American Jews waving Israeli and American flags. On my first stop by the kerfuffle, an older man in a Polo shirt was screaming "I saw him eat pork!" and "His mother was impregnated by Hitler!" at an older Hasidic guy. I checked out the on-campus viewing, which was huge and calm, and listened to the end of Ahmadinejad's speech and the beginning of the Q&A. On my way back to work, I stopped by again to see if the whole thing had resulted in fisticuffs, which, unfortunately dear readers, seemed imminent. On the way back the protesters from Yeshiva University had found the group, who identified themselves as "The Defenders of the City". An upset middle-aged woman started screaming, "They are worse than the Arabs!" and started jabbing her American flag into select recipients. Columbia students who I had seen inside came out and unfurled their banners in front of the Hasidim, trying to block anyone's view of their signs. A group of high school girls started yelling at one of them, saying "Where are we supposed to go?" At this point it seemed pretty likely that violence would ensue. But then, the Hasidim started chanting something, the other people started singing something else, and the police swooped in and separated everyone. Pretty intense for a lunch break.

Le weekend

I'm currently working on my second big cup of coffee this morning, somewhat inexplicably, because I set the bar for energy expenditure quite low this weekend.

Here's what had happened:
On Friday I learned that my workday does not end on the fifth day of the week at 5pm, as it does on the other days. At my new job, part of the workweek is required attendance at a happy hour, organized by the lovely (but forceful), Cam. This week we went to the midtown three-ring circus that is Ginger Man, which had many beers on tap and was clogged with people. As it turns out, we had a great group of coworkers, some who had sisters and friends meet us there and throw back a frenzied few. Of particular note was a conversation I had with two sophisticates from Connecticut and two spammers. We really didn't let them off easy on that one: you're all welcome. We did, however, reward their candor with drinks.

Later that night I had a lovely dinner in Long Island City to celebrate Caitlin finally finishing college. Her brother had made some delicious Eggplant Parmesan, and very nicely done goat cheese discs for our spinach salad. We brought some champagne and toasted our girl finally finishing her thesis. We hit up Water Taxi Beach, a beach bar with a great view of Madhattan. Caitlin and I busted out our salsa skillz honed at the Bed-Stuy Y's awesome salsa class.

On Saturday I was able to sleep in, which was glorious. I thought I had fully left all vestiges of youth behind by springing out of bed at 8am on Saturdays and Sundays, but this weekend and last I was pleasantly suprised by the amount of time my body allowed me to languish in bed, greedily rolling over and taking more, more, more, more. After following up on my idea to do nothing, I watched some "Life of Birds" and eventually went to get some food in the hood. We went to Imhotep's Vegetarian, on Nostrand in Crown Heights. Caitlin got the rest of the delicious barbeque "duck" with some curried chickpeas, greens (looked like calaloo), and pumpkin, all of which I sampled and passed muster. I settled on a veggie burger and fries (why do people even ask me if I want fries? I cannot ever say no), which took a minute but came out very well. Imhotep's restaurant is in the back of their well-stocked health food store, and everything is prepared with care and is 100% vegan, if that matters to you.

After that we headed over to my ESL coteacher's beautiful apartment in one of those big doorman buildings on Eastern Parkway. Lauren's a doll, very smart and cute, and in addition to supplying lotsa booze and delicious little dips [hummus, tapenade, a mint sauce for the salmon cakes] for our grazing pleasure, she had a bevy of intelligent, charming homos in attendance. Everyone had already gotten their Masters and were working on PhDs, and could hold cogent conversations in many topics, so it was a wonderful party. Lauren was a great hostess and certainly got quite a nice group to come out. I was sad to leave all the gays with so much friendship potential, but I definitely gushed to a cute little couple on my way out "it was so nice to meet you, I really need some new gay friends..." That's me: cool, calm, collected.

After that we trucked over to Williamsburg to see the keyboarder from Antibalas, Ticklah, give a show at his cd release party. It was at BPM, and when we rolled up there was a crush of twentysomethings getting some air after the first set. To get in, you go down a set of concrete steps into a basement, then climb back up into a tight space that led to a concert area that looked like it was a recording studio. Although a veritable fire trap, the place was packed and it was a great crowd. Also of note: $4 bottled beer. Everyone was dancing, or making reasonable effort, and c'mon, that's all we're asking for. It was a nice counterpoint to the other shows I've been to in NY so far, which place much more of an emphasis on self-conscious posturing and posing than enjoying oneself. [Anyone else have this experience in NYC?] This crowd was much better than that, and had gotten over themselves sufficiently to get down. The music was pretty funky roots reggae, I'm not going to say it was awesome, but it was a solid live set. I was particularly impressed with TWO trombone players who were excellent, as well as the two vocalists who held their own. Being both in Williamsburg and at a reggae show, it was only a matter of time before some boldfaced self-righteousness entered the fray, which was delivered as if on cue by the male vocalist who exhorted us "not to eat the pork." I was cracking up at this point, finding it funny that the next song was all about, chorus and all, avoiding pork.

In all, a very entertaining weekend.

Good morning good people

So the other day I got an email from a large, big box store, letting me know that they would sell box sets for 40% off. Now, I try my best to shop locally, as I grew up in a small town and always enjoyed the diversity of all the shops and small businesses. In addition, I try to live under the tenets of "reduce, reuse, recycle" and like to buy stuff second-hand when possible, especially to avoid the grips of the blue and yellow hall of horrors some know as Ikea. So when I wanted to buy the great collection that is VIVA PEDRO, I turned to TLA Releasing, who I knew from my prior Netflix obsession as a distributor of great international movies, many with a gay focus. VIVA PEDRO is a collection of 8 of Almodovar's films, including the awesome Law of Desire and Matador, featuring the young Antonio Banderas in some very spicy roles. The interplay of Banderas and the delightful Carmen Maura tops off the excellent ensemble acting present in all of Almodovar's films. My favorite line from La ley del deseo has to be when Maura's [who plays a Male-to-Female transwoman] character chides her brother for sneaking off to the bathroom by himself while they're out partying: "Que pasa, yo tambien soy toxicomana!" [What's up? I'm an addict too!] FYI, Almodovarlandia is the best source for everything Pedro-related, including a Constitution.

I ordered this gem from TLA, but never received it due to being charged twice and then having the entire order canceled. So the sale at Borders was the perfect chance to get it.


Alas, your hero was unable to localize a copy on the island of Manhattan, so was faced with multiple questions. Do I abandon ship and go home empty handed? Should I buy the Tyler Perry boxed set? And then I saw David Attenborough's LIFE OF BIRDS, the avian follow-up to LIFE OF MAMMALS, which got a lot of play last winter in Chicago. Needless to say, its awesome. Sir Attenborough has an amazing, Jeff-Corwin like ability to get right up close to these birds without startling them, and his knowledge is extensive. I was a little down on the computer generated animation at first, but they used it well. Highly recommended.

Click here to see a video of Jeff Corwin himself getting bitten/attacked by an elephant, and community fave Anderson Cooper helps a brother out.

Felicidad!

Having a good day? I sure am. I spent the morning in an HR training, in which not only did I have to break the ice by throwing a bean bag and repeating peoples' names, but I also got to participate in an awesome scavenger hunt. My partner was very serious and was angling for first, which resulted in him running through the halls. Unfortunately, we did not win the t-shirts given as prizes.

I spent my commute listening to Boney M, an old friend I met back when I spent the summer in Madrid during college. This song, from a German tv show, has a video medley of their hits and then a "live" performance, replete with fog. If you're just looking for the main event, skip ahead to about the 2 minute mark. Don't miss the guy's dance moves. See? Your day's better already.

I didn't spend it all...

Nah, I was thinking about spending all my ducats after joyfully receiving them on Friday, but I held back, remembering all the debts I have. I had a lovely weekend, got lots of sleep, and went to a party with great food on Saturday night. Shrimp, homemade whole grain pizza, a notable onion dip, and some very good homemade hummus. John is a great host, and I'm glad that he has brought his hospitality to the fair shores of Astoria from Chicago. John throws great food-oriented parties every so often, such as the annual Crab Sauce party, which could only ever disappoint if you were to miss it. In honor of him, I'm posting a photo of a cat that looks like his taking a nap. Can anyone identify this cat?

I'm not going to get arrested today!

I finally got paid at my new job! Imagine my surprise (and consternation) at being told on my fifth day of work that I would a) be paid once a month and b) I'd have to wait six weeks to actually see the first check. While I almost laid hands upon the woman who broke that news, I controlled myself with the help of another new coworker. After calming down and wiping the rage from the corners of the mouth, we talked to the head nurse, who hooked it up so we got paid after the fourth week. I'm as happy as a clam about this recent turn of events. Friends, you no longer have to miracle me at the bar, take my limp excuses about not having any cash, or worry about me asking to borrow $300. Now its my turn to buy a round; hit me up!

Things Change, Don't Cry

Brace yourselves. I know you all like the "wet food" focus, and who doesn't?, but I'm being limited. I want to be able to tell you just WHAT is going on over here in Rickmenistan. I'm changing this to a lifestyle blog, as I JUST got my Masters in the Lifestyle Arts. Use it before you lose it!

Salad Dressing of the Week

I love vegetables. AND fruits, do not be mistaken, but from my days working on Anya's organic farm, I'm pretty much obsessed with fresh produce. Not to sound like I'm talking down from my foodie pedestal, but I am a man who would rather go without tomatoes than buy some woody, mealy piece of shit from the supermarket. But give me a homegrown tomato, like the two beauties that Anya presented me with as I left the Cape on Sunday, and I'm a very happy chappy.

All this to say: I had a great lunch. One of the delicious, beautiful beefsteak tomatoes that Anya regaled me with adorned the salad I had brought in, and what added so much was slathering it with Annie's Roasted Red Pepper Vinaigrette. This salad dressing, while competing in a class full of champions (Ken's, Marie's, Hidden Valley Ranch [ha!]), really just does such a good job of reminding me that I FUCKING LOVE LETTUCE.

First of all, it has a delightful amount of chunks, a great burnt-sienna hue, and is viscous in a way that is most becoming to salad out of a bag. Those of you who know me already am aware that tang and moisture are very important in any foodstuff, and Annie's does not let me down on either account. I highly recommend you branch out from just buying her awesome Mac n Cheese and try Annie's dressing. Besides, she's from the great state of Vermont, which makes some of my favorite cheese.

Hot Chow!

A most recent discovery in my epicurean pursuits of summer, HOT CHOW is one of my favorite new condiments. Imagine a chunky mustard, tangy and not too sweet, filled with morsels of carrot and onion. No, not like a chutney, as the mustard and vinegar tastes keep it wholly within the mustard category. The secret ingredients, friends, is the mango and papaya that adds some juiciness often looked for but not often found in mustard, unless you've slathered on the French's a little too thick. That's probably my favorite thing about Hot Chow; it adds an elusive moisture to your sandwich you might only get by, well, overdoing it with some acidic yellow mustard or (sick!) mayo . But slather on the Hot Chow, its delicious!

I recommend Matouk's brand, coming to us from Trinidad, and available all over Crown Heights and other Caribbean areas of New York.

Shown: Matouk's Hot Chow, 9 oz. $3.99 for the 13.4 fl. oz. jar at the produce market on Nostrand and Eastern Parkway in Crown Heights. Available in Crown Heights, Bed-Stuy, and other Caribbean businesses and hoods in NY. I bet they have it at the West Indian Market on Broadway and Winona in Andersonville, Chicago. And John R Wong in Kingston must have it.

Ingredients: Water, distilled vinegar, papaya, carrots, onions, mangoes, sugar, coraillie, mustard, modified corn starch, salt, hot peppers, spices, colour FD&C yellow #5. Anyone know what coraillie is? Bitter melon?

Tastes like: Chunky tropical mustard. Use it on that turkey sandwich, you'll love it.

Notes: Caroline, you're gonna love this. Go get some and let me know!